The Cons of the Sandwich Generation

A lot can change in four years. And I do mean a lot.

These last four years have been hectic to say the least. The Pandemic hit, I finished my bachelors degree, my daughter moved out to live on her own. Big changes. That’s life right?

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But there are things in life that, despite knowing that sooner or later will happen, you’re never really prepared for them.

You see, my mother has always been a strong woman. She has always eaten well, she exercises, reads daily. She keeps herself busy so that, according to her, "Not to lose the habit."

In my 44 years, I can count on one hand the times my mother has had to visit a doctor for being sick. She used to joke about it saying that maybe she was a vampire because she never got sick. When she turned 80 she joked about reaching the “8th floor” while still dancing.

But even though my mother has been fortunate enough to not be affected by the usual physical health conditions that come with age, the mind was different. I know everyone reaches a certain age when the mind begins to fail. It’s bound to happen to us all. But I never expected it to be so fast. 

I used to visit her every day on my lunch break from work. But when the pandemic hit I was sent to work remotely. So we settled on daily phone calls and one visit a week instead. 

She was doing fine. Still set in her routines, exercising, reading, doing her daily chores. She couldn't visit her neighbors like she used to because of COVID19, but they also settled for phone calls. For a while she became quite an expert about facetime.

Then she began to forget things. Small things at first. She started repeating herself a lot when we talked on the phone. It was weird coming from her but I didn’t think too much of it.  I mean, she’s in her 80s. I remember telling my daughter, “I think Alzheimer's is knocking on her door."

It only took a few months to progress. I went to check on her one day very early in the morning. When I got to her house the front door was wide open. I stood there frozen for a second, imagining the worst. I called out to her and she answered from her room. I ran inside.

When I saw her she was still in her nightgown, yawning. I asked her if she had just woken up. “You woke me up,” she answered. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped when I realized the door had been left open all night. Then I felt a lump in my throat when I saw the mix of confusion and fear in her face after I told her about the door.

I started checking up on her as much as I could. But my job was always very demanding. My daughter and I came up with schedules to check on her daily. But when my daughter had to travel for her yearly army training I stumbled upon a wake up call.

I went to check on my mother one day. I had called her before to let her know that I was on my way and she told me she was in the backyard tending to her garden. When I got to her house there was a strong burning smell. I ran inside and the stove was on with burned chicken on the pan. It caught fire right in front of me when I entered. I poured salt on it and turned off the stove. 

I didn’t tell her what happened. I just said that I turned it off because the food was burned. She forgot she was cooking. I said she should come home with me but she hated the idea.

She has always been so independent and self-sufficient that she felt she was going to be a burden. So we compromised on her being at my home during the day.

Two more years passed while her mind continued to wander and I came to the conclusion that my mother could not be left alone. I was constantly worried about having to go back to working in person. I couldn’t believe how fast her mind was deteriorating.

I eventually got the memo I was dreading to receive. An email announcing the end of remote work saying that we all had to report on site in 5 days time.

I needed to find someone that would be available to check on my mother during the day. Or at least while me and my daughter were at work. I couldn't afford home care and I wasn’t eligible for a family leave. I tried appealing to HR for one more week while I made the arrangements but It was denied. 

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I had no choice but to quit my 15 year old job. My only source of income. Because I wasn’t allowed to get an additional week of remote work. I managed to contact a relative who agreed to visit my mother during the day. But by that time I had been replaced at my job. The cons of the Sandwich Generation.

So I’m unemployed now but my mother is with me. Some days are easier than others, but I try to do my best every day.