A graveside service is typically a short memorial service to honor a person at their burial site, but is different from a traditional funeral.
This article will cover everything you need to know about planning or attending a graveside service, including etiquette and cost.
What is a graveside service?
One of the most famous scenes in the movie The Godfather is of Michael and family sitting by the grave site of Don Corleone. This graveside service features flower cars lining the street and the entire New York City underworld tossing dirt on the Don’s casket.
The typical graveside service will not be as elaborate as that of the most famous fictional mafia boss. It will be set by the graveside or burial place of the deceased. And it will feature chairs for immediate family members with standing room for close friends and loved ones. You may request that a service be private or open to the public.
Traditionally, a graveside service is shorter than a funeral and features a reading or eulogy.
Designed as a final goodbye to the person being laid to rest, these services tend to reflect the beliefs of the deceased. They can follow religious traditions or be secular in tone.
How to plan a graveside service
To plan a graveside service, talk to the cemetery team and check any instructions your loved one may have left, you can also review our guide on how long after death a funeral usually takes to help with scheduling.. Inform the funeral director about your loved one's service preferences. This will enable them to organize a fitting tribute for the deceased individual.
Finally, when planning a service for a loved one, you must decide what you will say. You may choose to have a religious representative guide the program, or you can choose a ceremony leader.
If you are planning your own graveside service, then an important step is to pick your final resting place. You will also be able to choose your own casket or urn for burial. Deciding now is hard, but it'll be harder for your family when you're no longer here.
What is usually said at a graveside service?
Funerals and graveside services are personal and should meet the wishes of the deceased. If the service is religion-based, then the ceremony should be conducted by a representative of the religion. If it is secular in nature, then a close friend or loved one should conduct the service.
The service starts with thanking the people and ends with reading scripture or praying to honor the dead. Additional prayers or readings can be given by the religious representative, close friends, or loved ones.
You may also choose to read a poem, song lyric, or selection that meant something to the deceased. Remember, if the service is happening after a funeral, then the readings or prayers should be different from those read at the other service.
What is graveside etiquette?
The Army National Cemeteries Office advises wearing suitable clothing for the season and showing respect for the occasion. It is important to dress appropriately for the weather and to demonstrate reverence for the event. They also suggest that attendees remember to wear proper footwear that allows mobility on hard and soft surfaces.
Proper etiquette includes figuring out if you should attend. Some services are for immediate family members only and some are open to the public. The reasons for this are privacy, but also space restrictions. Some graveyards or mausoleums do not have room enough for everyone to attend a graveside service.
Respect and honor are cornerstones of etiquette. If you are unsure about what is appropriate, begin with those two tenets.
How much does a graveside service cost?
The funeral director helps the family with all aspects of the burial. This includes organizing the graveside service. The cost of both services will depend on a number of factors, including:
- Location
- Elements of the service
- Burial fees
- Casket or urn
- Interment specifications
Graveside services are cheaper than traditional funerals as they don't have musicians, many flowers, or a reception. They cost less because they are shorter services and less attended than funerals. The graveyard and the state in which it is being held will also dictate the actual cost of the service.
Final thoughts
Graveside services are shorter than funerals and take place near the deceased's final resting place.
They can be religious or secular and their cost depends on factors like the state and graveyard. Follow proper dress code and check in with the family prior to check for any special instructions.
The best way to plan for a funeral and graveside service is to do it for your loved ones before you pass away. Making difficult decisions now when you are still living will help loved ones avoid making them after you are gone.
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